Donald Trump leaned back in his chair at Mar-a-Lago, gazing at the world map spread across the massive oak table before him. The dots of Greenland, the Panama Canal, and Canada gleamed like prime properties in a real estate catalog. To Trump, the logic was simple: real estate was about opportunity, and the United States was sitting on a goldmine of missed chances.
“These are prime locations,” he declared to his inner circle of advisors. “Greenland? Untapped resources. The Panama Canal? A tollbooth to the world. And Canada? Well, they’ve got all that lumber, dairy, and space. The US needs to expand its portfolio.”
While reporters and diplomats debated the audacity of his plans, Trump approached the task like a seasoned real estate agent eyeing a dream property. His strategy was inspired by a classic playbook: control the surrounding market, then seize the prize.
The Greenland Play
Trump’s first move was to focus on the Arctic region. With subtle backing, the US quietly began snapping up smaller territories and islands around Greenland, claiming they were for “scientific research.” This created a buzz in global markets, inflating the perceived value of Greenland itself.
“Why should Denmark hold onto Greenland when the US can turn it into the Dubai of the Arctic?” Trump mused during a press briefing. He emphasized its economic importance, suggesting a series of casinos and golf resorts.
Meanwhile, Denmark balked. Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen dismissed the idea as “absurd,” but the constant talk destabilized Greenland’s fragile economy. Local leaders began to wonder: could American investment turn their icy homeland into a global hub?
The Panama Canal Gambit
The Panama Canal was a different challenge. Recognizing Panama’s reliance on US trade, Trump used his famed “economic force” to put pressure on the nation. Tariffs on Panamanian exports skyrocketed, and American corporations began flooding Central America, buying up properties near the canal zone.
Soon, whispers of Panama’s financial struggles reached the international press. Trump, always one to dangle a carrot, offered an “economic partnership” in which the US would manage the canal in exchange for debt relief.
“It’s a win-win,” he explained to reporters. “We take care of the canal; they keep their sovereignty—mostly.”
The Canadian Conundrum
Canada presented the biggest challenge. Trump viewed the northern neighbor not as a country, but as a sprawling property with an “artificially drawn line” cutting through it.
“The US protects Canada, and what do we get? Canadian cars, milk, and maple syrup. It’s ridiculous,” he told his team.
Trump’s strategy here was more subtle. The US began buying up properties in border towns, funneling American businesses into Canadian markets, and driving up real estate prices. Trade disputes were weaponized to destabilize Canadian industries.
Justin Trudeau, Canada’s charismatic but beleaguered prime minister, responded with fiery speeches and a renewed push for Canadian identity. “We will not be annexed,” he declared. But behind closed doors, provinces near the US border started to grumble about the economic strain.
The Closing Argument
As the plan unfolded, Trump treated the acquisitions like a massive real estate deal. At Mar-a-Lago, he hosted summits with leaders from Greenland, Panama, and key Canadian provinces. The pitch was always the same: “Let’s make a deal.”
While world leaders denounced his actions, Trump remained unfazed. “They’ll thank me when Greenland has golf courses, the Panama Canal has Trump Hotels, and Canada finally gets real healthcare,” he quipped.
The strategy was polarizing but undeniably effective. By controlling the surrounding market, Trump had made the properties more accessible and attractive, not just to the US, but to the world.
In his eyes, this wasn’t imperialism—it was just good business.
All names of people and organizations appearing in this story are pseudonyms.
Trump ramps up threats to gain control of Greenland and Panama Canal
Comments